Right now everything feels hopeless, still on a forced break. Holiday’s are hard and family often makes things worse. Throw in extra daily frustrations and you have a recipe for feeling hopeless. So what do I do to keep going when I feel like there is no reason to try.
1. Cry
2. I look at my husband, think how much I love him and know that everything is worth it as long as I have him.
3. I pick something I can work on during the next month, in the past it has been sticking to my diet, getting more sleep, drinking less coffee and so on. Working on things I can control. I can’t control the effect the meds have on me, I can’t change the outcomes of any of the cycles, I can’t change the miscarriages, so I change what I can.
4. Cry
5. Eat ice cream – then feel guilty for breaking my diet and wondering non-stop if it will mess up the next month for me.
6. Buy something ridiculously expensive and completely useless that makes me smile, and feel guilty for spending money we can’t/shouldn’t spend as we are trying to save.
7. Cry
8. Cry
9. Cry
10. Try to remember that I can get pregnant, so until the doctor tells me its time to give up I have hope.
I guess since I have done everything on this list in the past few days I haven’t completely lost hope.
alittleshotofhope 